Three hours after I landed in LA, I hopped into a Zipcar to check out LA. Wherever I travel to big cities I try to take subways to get around but this was LA and I needed to drive a bit. I was jazzed to see that the concierge gave me a route that took me past a tiny section of Route 66 to Sunset Boulevard, where I’d eventually hit a main drag of Silver Lake.

I walked around and did some non-shopping for a bit. Since it was still too early to eat and I had plenty of time left on my rental I decided to keep driving down Sunset to see how far it would take me. After a few minutes I hit a red light and looked around. To my right was a non-descript Kaiser Permanente Hospital. To my left was a chain link fence partially wrapped in white canvas. I looked up at the street sign and gasped.

I was at Sunset and L. Ron Hubbard Way.

The second the light turned green I snagged a street spot, dumped a few quarters in the meter, and, like Dorothy to Oz, walked toward the big blue building sitting way behind that chain link fence. Police barriers closed off the sidewalks surrounding the place, making it feel inaccessible while giving it an air of intrigue. Was it a church? Was it just a conference center? Were there any famous people inside? These and more questions flew around my spacey, jetlagged mind as I made my way to the main entrance.

A thin young security guard greeted me at the top of the driveway. “Hello,” he said as he smiled and shifted his arms, letting his gun show. I said hi back, and asked if this was the main Scientology church. He said it was, and after a few pleasantries, he suggested I head inside and take a tour to see what it’s all about.

I couldn’t say no to that. “I need to go put more money in the meter, but I’ll be right back,” I told him. Two quarters bought me twenty-three more minutes, and I headed back to see what Scientology is all about.

I first heard about Scientology from all those crazy Dianetics commercials from the ‘80s. They didn’t really say much but man, they got your attention. So did all the armed guards I saw milling about as I walked to the entrance. There were also a lot of people standing around in formal attire, and some workers were setting up folding chairs and testing out some public A/V equipment in the front yard. I felt like I was crashing a weird wedding as I went inside.

A really young girl working the front desk greeted me. Really young, maybe not even out of her teens. I asked if I could look around and she said of course, but she had to get a guide to give me an intro and show me around. I said that I only had a short amount of time and she said it was no problem because the tour was self-guided after I got an introduction from the guide. I said OK and waited for them to come back.

As I waited I noticed I was surrounded by free DVDs on a range of Scientology subjects and Dianetics books for sale in tons of languages: Arabic, Chinese, Spanish, Italian, I think there were 28 translations available. The girl came back and said the guide was on his way, and we had had a friendly chat about Scientology. She asked me where I was from, and how I heard about Scientology. I didn’t confess to the ads, but made up what I hoped to be a harmless answer. “Oh, just from the general media,” I said. “There’s so much written about it, I’m just curious to see what it’s all about.” She smiled and soon after a really young guy (who looked he could be the like the younger, wholesome cousin of the dirtbag criminal with the hot mugshot) greeted me and started to show me around.

He took me back to some exhibits that explained everything about L. Ron Hubbard and the basic tenets of Scientology. It was a lot like being at a low-grade tradeshow—lots of displays with catchy copy and inspiring pictures. As he showed me how to work the video features in each exhibit, we talked about how prolific L. Ron was—how he started out as a science fiction writer, then started a whole new religion that has done a lot for many. After he explained the layout of the exhibits he left me on my own to learn about where I was.

There weren’t a lot of other visitors—I saw a family that was heading out (“We’re just here for a few minutes, but we’ll be back another time to see more” they told their guide), and a couple semi-giggling at one of the videos—so it was really quiet. I kept seeing smiling, official-looking people popping in and out as I walked around and checked out the exhibits.

At first glance the messages I read weren’t all that out there: they pointed out that there are a lot of toxins out there that can harm the body, that people who are released from prison need help to avoid recidivism, and that drugs and other substances can really do bad things.

But the more I walked, the weirder things got. One area touted the Parts of Man (Thetan, Mind, and Body) paired with the Dynamics of Existence. Next I saw the E-Meter in all its glory. It looked like the boom box my brother had in 1984, complete with two microphones on either side, and was proudly on display in its own special exhibit, encouraging people to “See a Thought.”

Further down I stumbled across a replica of L. Ron Hubbard’s office. My guide appeared out of nowhere to see how I was doing, and I asked him if it was his actual office. “No,” he said. “It’s a replica. All the centers have one, or at least try to have one, as a tribute.” We had another nice talk about how prolific L. Ron was and how cool the office looked—there were a lot of framed pictures of old Hollywood, including one of the old “Hollywoodland” sign in the hills. I asked if I could take a picture and after checking with management he cheerfully said I could. He left me again and went off to the front of the building.

After that I’d seen enough and had to get going so I wouldn’t get a ticket. I started to make my way out, trying not to be noticed as I took illegal pictures of all the other weird signs I saw. I didn’t see any famous people, but as I made my way up front I did see a young couple, radiant and relaxed after just finishing up “a session.” When I got to the front desk I thanked the girl for her help and just as I was about to leave, my guide came back with a ticket I could use on a future visit for free testing. I thanked him for his help, grabbed my free DVDs, and walked back to my car.